I’ve got #2 on the brain. Not that number two. I’m talking baby number two. It’s not a coincidence because lately it seems everyone is wondering if I’ll have a second baby. I find this questioning only slightly less invasive than having  my belly felt up when I was pregnant. D2 turns two in November and whenever anyone asks me how old he is, it’s always followed up with, “So are you going to give him a little brother or sister?” Last week at the salon my stylist put it much more bluntly, “So what’s the story, are we having a second baby or what?” *Gulp. Silence.* Heads swivled to look at me as I choked out the standard “We’re practicing!”line.  Sheesh. What do I say to such a personal question? My uterus has barely snapped back into place and already the questions are flying.

I’ve been saying that we really would like to give D2 a sibling if we can. Actually, I sort of feel that we are obligated to do so because we are older parents. When D2 turns 20 we’ll be 60. When  he’s 40 we’ll be …. oh God, I don’t even want to think about it. This sounds morbid but I fear that we’ll die and leave him alone while he’s still a relatively young man.

I think about my anxiety over possibly having another miscarriage, which I experienced before I had D2. It’s a tough emotional journey that many women don’t talk about – and it’s exceedingly common. I think about the letters AMA (Advanced Maternal Age) that will be scrawled across my chart that let everyone know at the OB/GYN  that you are officially past your prime but some how your eggs have managed to hang on for the last call at the bar. (Quick side bar: Ignore the B.S. lies you read in tabloids about 40 something celebrities and their claims they got pregnant “naturally” even though they are pumping out fraternal twins at alarming rates. There is no f@$*^!g way. Not Judging. Just saying.)

I think of all of the pros and cons of having a second child. On the pro side I think about:

1. D2 won’t grow up an only child and will have a sibling for friendship and company;
2. having my first child at age 40 has meant that I am a more centered, focused and mature mother which has been good for D2;
3. how I ‘m obsessed with my son and a second child will ensure I won’t smother D2 to death if I have another child to dote on;
4. having children exponentially opens your heart to wanting more;
5. how kids are just so much darn fun and Dr. D and I are having the time of our lives with D2;
6. how much I loved breastfeeding even though it was hell on my boobs.

On the Con side I think about:

1. whether I can love a second child as much as my first (I think I can but I worry about it);
2. whether I actually have any good eggs left to conceive (My OB seems to still think I’m in the Green Zone);
3. how pregnancy and recovering from pregnancy is pure hell on a post-40 body (my C-section scar still hurts);
4. the fact that Dr. D and  I are exhausted already with one toddler, can we really do two children under 5?
5. taking three months off for maternity leave and the anxiety and paranoia it caused me.
6. having two kids in college at the same time. Enough said.

All that said, I absolutely love being a mother and D2 is the single best thing that has happened in my life. I am thrilled watching him achieve all of the little milestones and yet also sad because it’s going so fast. I take in every day and am grateful for it. Even on my worst days, I really wouldn’t mind doing it all again.

So yeah, we are going to go for it. It’s not going to be easy. I know the statistics on getting pregnant after 40. But I choose to mainly focus on the positive; I’m in great shape and have a positive mental outlook. We’ll see if luck and the fertility gods are on our side. In the meantime, the next time someone asks me if I’m going to have number two I’ll just smile and say, “We’re practicing.”

When I was a young singleton working for a large PR agency in New York, I was always jealous of my married colleagues who would leave the office “early” (that’s 6pm in the PR agency world) to pick up children from daycare or relieve nannies. The rest of us worker bees would work until about 8 or 9 at night. We’d often slag on the offending managing director behind her back. What made her so special that she could leave early while those of us who “really” did the work toiled in the trenches for mere bread, water and the occasional faint praise for an awesome media placement in the New York Times that she could never get? Screw her!

Now as a working mother looking back, I have a whole new perspective on these “slacker” mothers. What I now know in retrospect, is they had mastered the art of ruthlessly managing their time at work so they could leave to get their kids on time (and avoid nanny overtime or those outrageous day care late pick-up charges.) I now recall all of the emails I’d receive after 10pm from these colleagues/supermoms, who fired up their laptops after the kids were in bed and the house was quiet.

How did they do it? How did they manage to leave on time nearly every day and still stay on top of their busy careers? I have a hunch:

Get in early. I noticed many of these women got into the office as early as 7:30am to catch up on reading and get organized for the day.

Minimize the number of meetings you attend in any one day. Honestly, I die a little bit each time I attend a meeting. I hate meetings and avoid having to attend one unless it’s absolutely necessary. Turns out this is not a bad strategy. Too many meetings are scheduled without a clear purpose or desired outcome. I noticed that the PR executives I worked with carefully questioned the agenda and whether their presence was truly necessary to advance the issue. Alternatively, they did stand up meetings where issues were discussed and decided in the moment.

Discourage drive-bys from Chatty Cathys. They also firmly discouraged the social butterflies of the office from dropping in and sucking precious work time. Yes, it’s sooo exciting that the final installment of Twilight is coming out in November and Jacob is looking pretty hot these days but do you have to dish on the last three movies blow by blow? For sure a little bit of chit chat greases the social wheels in an office but too much mauls your schedule and will leave you playing catch up.

Pick up the damn phone, already. Ever notice how something that should be relatively easy to solve turns into an email thread the length of a Russian novel?  Think about it. You send an email. You receive a reply with questions of clarification. You reply. More questions are asked in the reply to your reply. Rinse and repeat for infinity.  Always do an office drive-by or pick up the phone and call for something that can be easily resolved with human contact. Bonus, your colleagues will be shocked to actually hear their phone ring. Now, if you are trying to create documentation to CYA, well that’s a different story.

Get out of e-mail hell. I’m in it. You’re in it. We’re all in it. I’ve got 350 unopened messages in my in box right now. I noticed the PR executives I worked with never answered all of their email right away unless it was from a client. Back in my agency days, I could always count on an email from Gina around 4pm. Turns out, this is when she scheduled to review and respond to non-urgent emails. Responding to every ping and ding all day long will ensure you get nothing done. Think of it this way, if someone needs you bad enough, they’ll track you down.

Stop competing to be Hoarder of the Year. A cluttered office is a sign of a cluttered mind. I noticed the working moms at the agency had unbelievably clean desks. Files were in place. In-boxes were clear.  There were no random rat-piles of papers stacked high hoarder-style. Nothing is a bigger waste of time than re-printing the same document 50 times because you keep losing it (I’m guilty!), it’s also not environmentally friendly. While we’re at it, you don’t need to keep every trinket you ever got from a trade show or conference. Besides,  inhaling the fumes from all that BPA-filled plastic can’t be good for you.

If I could go back in time, I’d apologize to all the women that I made nasty comments about (or thought anyway) when I was young and foolish. Being a working mother at the top of an organization is hard work and it takes phenomenal energy and focus to get as much out of an eight to ten hour day as possible only to then go home and take on the responsibilities of a full-time parent and spouse. I’m eating some humble-pie as I, now a mother to a toddler, strive to keep myself organized and on my game during the day.   What do you think? How do you manage work-day time sucks?