Dr. D. and I are scheduled for D2′s first parent-teacher conference on Friday. In preparation for our discussion with his teacher, we received an emailed copy of his Toddler Progress Report a few days ago. Since this is Montessori, it’s not a report card per se but rather an update on his developmental progress. We’ll get to that in a minute. Now ordinarily, I’m a pretty calm person when it comes to parenting but I’ve realized that I’ve got the potential to morph into a Tiger Mom if I’m not careful. So we scan D2′s progress report. The report is broken up in to a few major sections: Order, Social Development/Work Habits, Gross-Motor Skill, Fine-Motor Skill, Language Development and Concentration. Each section is broken down into sub-traits each rated with an “I” for Introduced, “P” for Practiced and “C” for Competent. Right away I count up all of  the I’s the P’s and the C’s.

He’s got more I’s than C’s! I tell Dr. D. What? I’m shaking the report card in his face. He only got an I for “matches picture to picture”. We freaking practice this all the time! I’m apoplectic.  He gets all P’s for gross-motor skills and some fine-motor skills but is mostly I’s for Social Development/Work Habits. Great. My kid’s on the path to becoming a Wal-Mart greeter. Awesome.

Dr. D. says wait, aren’t you the one who is always reminding me that he’s only two and this is all about him learning to explore his environment and develop a love of learning? What happened to the crunchy California mom who was always putting down traditional education? He’s jerking my chain now. Look, this kid will be getting a full athletic and academic scholarship to any college he wants to go to in the country. We’ve got work to do.  Dr. D. smirks and rolls his eyes which ticks me off even more. Ah, there she is. Psycho Tiger Mom has finally made her first official appearance.

The kicker though is when we get to the teacher’ open comments section. Here is what was written verbatim:

[D2] has charmed many of us with his kisses. Our class greeter, D2 separates easily and likes the attention of others. As he explores the classroom and its boundaries, he is very interested in other children’s work. He is very strong and enjoys gross motor activities like climbing, carrying heavy objects, pushing things, sweeping and opening and closing things (especially the door). He loves water and wants to pour and fill everything. We are encouraging D2 to use gentle touch. His word repertoire has increased significantly.

Because I am totally paranoid about D2′s development, here’s what I read between the lines:

D2 is already showing signs of being a skirt chaser. Look at what’s happening to Herman Cain right now. Better get that under control. D2 is an attention hog who demands to be the sole focus of any adult in the room. As he wreaks havoc in the class room, he has a tendency to snatch toys away from other children. It is clear he has very little home training as he is constantly climbing, throwing and slamming doors shut. He loves hosing down teachers and classmates alike during water play. We are encouraging D2 to not use his classmates for Ultimate Fighting practice. We were surprised to learn that D2 is quite proficient in dropping F-bombs  and a variety of other four-letter words in Spanish and English.

So by this point you are probably thinking that I totally lost my mind. Dr. D., always the rentless teaser, asks me if we think we ought  to put D2′s application into Wal-Mart to become a greeter. That’s what it says on his report card he needles. I break my vow to not swear any more and tell Dr. D. to stuff it. This is serious business.

Talking with my mom brings me off the ledge. I send the report to her. What do you think? She’s thrilled. Look how he’s progressing and growing up! Aren’t you just thrilled with how smart and engaged he is? How could I miss this? What’s wrong with me? It takes a conversation with my mom to snap me back into reality. Yes, he is making phenomenal progress. He is learning by leaps and bounds and every day I see something new. Every day I get to experience the world through his curious little eyes. How could I forget? I resolve to do better. To chill out. Then I remember I’ve still got 16 years to get him into MIT…

What do you think? Do you irrationally worry that your child isn’t making enough progress? Can parents ever just relax and enjoy where their children are right now and not fret so much?

Should a three year-old be getting tutored in math and reading? And can this tutoring really help give them an edge in school? Apparently the parents who have signed their tots up for Junior Kumon think so. This question is at the heart of a social media firestorm that continues to rage after a recent New York Times article covered the growing trend of affluent parents sending their toddlers to Kumon in order to help them get a jump on kindergarten and perhaps the rest of their academic career. It got me thinking, are over-achieving parents (of which I fight against becoming one) pushing their kids too far too fast?

This article came out right about the time Dr. D. and I were in a heated debate about what kind of nursery school to enroll D2 in. He’s just turned 18 months. I’m very keen to enroll him in Montessori, while Dr. D.’s preference is for D2 to be in a much more traditionally structured pre-school type setting.  As a Montessori kid myself, I love how Montessori teaches children creativity, a love of learning and exploration and independence.  As part of our interview for D2′s admission, Dr. D. and I had to observe a class in action. I saw young children working very quietly at a variety of work stations. Each child was doing something different – from using building blocks to work through simple math equations to reading independently. They were polite, inquisitive and very articulate for such young children. I was in heaven. Dr. D. not so much.  He worries whether there will be enough rigor and emphasis on “the fundamentals” for D2 to pass rigorous state exams and establish a disciplined approach to school that will allow him to get into a good college. He’s worried that a Montessori environment will be too free wheeling for D2 and he won’t learn enough. I pulled out the stops and showed him the research on the achievement levels of Montessori educated children. I even showed him a recent Wall Street Journal article on all of the successful CEOs who credited Montessori with their success as adults. He was unconvinced.  I know. I know.  It seems crazy we are having this discussion and D2 is not even two yet.

I showed Dr.D. the New York Times article and got a long lecture about what it takes to be competitive in today’s world and how he didn’t see anything wrong with parents sending their tiny tots to tutoring if it helped them get ahead.  Of course, I vehemently objected.  Isn’t it our job as parents to help our children read, count, cut paper into strips or do what ever else is needed outside of school to enrich them? Do we really need to hire people to tutor toddlers for God’s sake?! Long story short, D2 is starting the toddler program at Montessori later this summer and I am thrilled. I think he will thrive. I won the battle – somewhat. Dr. D. and I compromised and agreed that we’d see how D2 was doing at the end of the year and if he wasn’t satisfied we’d consider other options.

I know from talking with friends that we all struggle to make sure we are giving our children access to the best possible education we can afford.  We all read the same news articles that trumpet how American kids are falling further and further behind children around the world in math and science. Our economy has fundamentally changed over the last few years and the things we did to become successful adults may not be enough for our children. So we worry. And we load our kids up with music lessons, sports, languages and yes, tutoring even when they are doing well – anything we can throw at them so as not to miss a single opportunity to make them smarter, better, more ready than the kids around them.

I question though, is this really for our kids or is it for us? Are they really better off? When I first saw the Kumon logo it stopped me cold. The simple drawing of the child’s (or is it a stressed out parent?) face looks so sad.  I’m sure there is an interesting back story but it makes me feel sad. Are we making a deal with the devil despite our good intentions? Is this logo a secret warning sign? What do you think about this debate? Is the trend of seeking academic “achievement” at younger and younger ages going too far? Or do we as American parents need to suck it up and accept a new world order for success in the 21st century?