Let’s face it, business travel and motherhood often don’t mix but if you are committed to your career, it is an essential part of the job. I love and loathe business travel. I love it because it’s one of the only times I can get seven uninterrupted hours of sleep; I don’t have to worry about grubby fingers shoved  up my nose or a little face pressed up against mine at the crack of dawn demanding, “Mama, no more sleeping! You wake up NOW!”

On business trips I get the whole bed to myself and don’t have to worry about stepping on a toy and losing a toe on  the way to the bathroom. I can sit down and eat an entire meal without getting up to clean up a box of Cheerios that mysteriously dumped itself on the kitchen floor.

When I travel I love meeting with clients and colleagues, seeing new places, and doing the occasional sightseeing trip when I can squeeze it in. Yes, there are lots of reasons to love business travel.

I loathe business travel mostly because I miss my little boy terribly. I can’t count the number of times I’ve awakened hanging off the edge of my hotel bed because I’ve grown so accustomed to having a little sleeping body wedged next to mine. I miss that warmth. I miss the bedtime rituals and early morning chats over oatmeal.

At D2′s age (he’s almost three), being gone more than a few days means I’ve missed something new he’s learned to say or do.

After D2 was born, I didn’t start traveling again until he turned one. When I did start traveling again I’d whip myself into a frenzy until the moment I stepped on the plane. In addition to making sure all of the household chores were done, I would spend the weekend before my trip grocery shopping, running errands and cooking extra meals for D2, his nanny Eva and Dr.D.

I taped an emergency contact sheet on the fridge door and checked Dr. D.’s mobile phone contacts to make sure poison control, our pediatrician and advice nurse’s numbers were pre-programmed.

Before every trip I emailed Dr. D. a long list of dos and don’ts.  Here’s a sample:

D2 goes to bed at 8pm. Not 8:30 or 8:45, 8pm. Make sure to tuck Elmo, his dump truck and his train Old Puffer Pete into bed with him.
Don’t give D2 milk after 7:30pm otherwise he’ll soak his pull-up in the middle of the night and wake up.
D2 likes yogurt, veggie straws and an apple in his pre-school snack (but don’t cut the apple up or he won’t eat it).
D2 needs to eat at least two vegetables and two fruits every day to stay regular.
D2 needs to poop every day (ask his teacher too). If he misses a day, give him an extra apple. That’ll do the trick.

And so on.

I wish I could say I was kidding about the list but I’m not. Not only did I have The List, I called home every night to check on D2. How did his day go? What did he eat? Does he miss me? Dr. D. answered all of my questions patiently. He’s fine. Yes, he pooped. No, he didn’t sleep too long at nap time. We gotta go, we’re eating fried chicken, barbecue chips and ice cream for dinner. Ha, ha. Just kidding!

Apparently, I am not the only mom who went into overdrive before traveling for business. Earlier this spring I came across this New York Times article on working mothers and travel. The moms featured were instantly familiar to me because I saw myself in them. It was humbling and a bit embarrassing.

While I could feel smug that at least I wasn’t pre-packaging a week’s worth of D2′s outfits in ziplock bags, the article made me think hard about my behavior and the message I was sending my husband. Was I was unconsciously telling him that I didn’t trust him to take care of our son? Was I intimating that I didn’t think he could make good decisions while I was gone?

I think so.

So I made a change. It’s taken me three years to grudgingly accept that while Dr. D.and I have very different parenting styles, I know he will move Heaven and Earth to make sure D2 is safe and happy. Would I like it if he made sure D2 ate all of his fruit before tucking into yet another bag of goldfish? Yes.  

Would I be happier if he didn’t mix D2′s Boden plaid pants with his striped t-shirts? Sure. But you know what? Seeing how happy and content D2 is when I return home is all I need.

These days I’m much more relaxed before I travel for business. I still grocery shop and make sure the refrigerator is well stocked (that’s just the mommy in me) but gone is the honey-do list and multiple check in calls. All of the time I used to spend on pre-travel prep insanity is now spent hanging out with D2, showing him where I’m going on the map and talking about what we’ll do together when I return. I’m calmer and Dr. D. is relieved that I’m no longer checking up on him.

An added benefit to my being gone is Dr. D. and D2 get to deepen their own father-son bond. What’s not to love?

Your turn. How do you prepare your family for your business trips? Do you ever find yourself going overboard? Let me know what  you think in the comments.

Should a three year-old be getting tutored in math and reading? And can this tutoring really help give them an edge in school? Apparently the parents who have signed their tots up for Junior Kumon think so. This question is at the heart of a social media firestorm that continues to rage after a recent New York Times article covered the growing trend of affluent parents sending their toddlers to Kumon in order to help them get a jump on kindergarten and perhaps the rest of their academic career. It got me thinking, are over-achieving parents (of which I fight against becoming one) pushing their kids too far too fast?

This article came out right about the time Dr. D. and I were in a heated debate about what kind of nursery school to enroll D2 in. He’s just turned 18 months. I’m very keen to enroll him in Montessori, while Dr. D.’s preference is for D2 to be in a much more traditionally structured pre-school type setting.  As a Montessori kid myself, I love how Montessori teaches children creativity, a love of learning and exploration and independence.  As part of our interview for D2′s admission, Dr. D. and I had to observe a class in action. I saw young children working very quietly at a variety of work stations. Each child was doing something different – from using building blocks to work through simple math equations to reading independently. They were polite, inquisitive and very articulate for such young children. I was in heaven. Dr. D. not so much.  He worries whether there will be enough rigor and emphasis on “the fundamentals” for D2 to pass rigorous state exams and establish a disciplined approach to school that will allow him to get into a good college. He’s worried that a Montessori environment will be too free wheeling for D2 and he won’t learn enough. I pulled out the stops and showed him the research on the achievement levels of Montessori educated children. I even showed him a recent Wall Street Journal article on all of the successful CEOs who credited Montessori with their success as adults. He was unconvinced.  I know. I know.  It seems crazy we are having this discussion and D2 is not even two yet.

I showed Dr.D. the New York Times article and got a long lecture about what it takes to be competitive in today’s world and how he didn’t see anything wrong with parents sending their tiny tots to tutoring if it helped them get ahead.  Of course, I vehemently objected.  Isn’t it our job as parents to help our children read, count, cut paper into strips or do what ever else is needed outside of school to enrich them? Do we really need to hire people to tutor toddlers for God’s sake?! Long story short, D2 is starting the toddler program at Montessori later this summer and I am thrilled. I think he will thrive. I won the battle – somewhat. Dr. D. and I compromised and agreed that we’d see how D2 was doing at the end of the year and if he wasn’t satisfied we’d consider other options.

I know from talking with friends that we all struggle to make sure we are giving our children access to the best possible education we can afford.  We all read the same news articles that trumpet how American kids are falling further and further behind children around the world in math and science. Our economy has fundamentally changed over the last few years and the things we did to become successful adults may not be enough for our children. So we worry. And we load our kids up with music lessons, sports, languages and yes, tutoring even when they are doing well – anything we can throw at them so as not to miss a single opportunity to make them smarter, better, more ready than the kids around them.

I question though, is this really for our kids or is it for us? Are they really better off? When I first saw the Kumon logo it stopped me cold. The simple drawing of the child’s (or is it a stressed out parent?) face looks so sad.  I’m sure there is an interesting back story but it makes me feel sad. Are we making a deal with the devil despite our good intentions? Is this logo a secret warning sign? What do you think about this debate? Is the trend of seeking academic “achievement” at younger and younger ages going too far? Or do we as American parents need to suck it up and accept a new world order for success in the 21st century?